Table of Contents
How to build a meaningful life?
Have you ever asked this question – how to build a meaningful life?
Living our most authentic values is the foundation to start building a meaningful life. And the way to live our most authentic values is to continuously find and curate the set of values we believe in, that is, finding and curating identity. When we are constantly aware of our identities and values, we have the ability to direct ourselves to take the right actions , to build the right habits. The values of yours is like the northstar for you to create a meaningful life.
The algorithm of finding our own identity
Finding our own identities is a repeating process. Our values, essentially, are influenced by whatever absorbs our minds. Therefore it is also constantly changing. If we don’t reflect and search within, it’s easy to get lost. If we try to write down the process as an algorithm, it should look like this:
- Step 1: Reflect and narrow down your root value that shapes your identity
- Step 2: Audit your life to get a sense how close are you living these values in every aspects
- Step 3: Make adjustment and curate your life towards the right value
- Step 4: Repeat the process.
It looks simple, but it is much easier said than done. That’s because we often cannot see ourselves clearly. It takes practicing, and constant reflection, to be able to acknowledge what values do we truly appreciate. It is different for everyone.
“Your identity is a mirror covered with dust. When you first look in the mirror, the truth of who you are and what you value is obscured. Clearing it may not be pleasant, but only when that dust is gone can you see your true reflection.”
“Think like a monk”, Jay Shetty
Know the values
Values are not all created equal. There are higher values, which are those foster happiness and satisfaction. On the other hand, there are lower values, which lead to unsatisfying life experiences. From “Think like a monk”, the author listed the following higher and lower values:
According to the Gita, these are the higher values and qualities: fearlessness, purity of mind, gratitude, service and charity, acceptance, performing sacrifice, deep study, austerity, straightforwardness, nonviolence, truthfulness, absence of anger, renunciation, perspective, restraint from fault finding, compassion toward all living beings, satisfaction, gentleness/kindness, integrity, determination.
The six lower values are greed, lust, anger, ego, illusion, and envy.
“Think like a monk”, Jay Shetty
To narrow down the root values that shape my current identity, I would try to make a list of values from above, also honestly expand the list with any value I think I may also believe in or be motivated by, and then I would ask myself, which ones are really important to me? Everyone may have a different list of answers. However, I would try to keep the good ones and filter the lower ones. This would make a list of values to work towards for the time being.
Audit your life
There are several aspects to audit, now that we have a clear idea about the value. First, our time. It is important to understand how we spend our time. Does our time allocation align with our values?
Second, audit the media. We all read/watch/listen to lots of stuffs, from social media, TVs, podcasts, and information from all kinds of channels. What we absorb will shape how we think and act. So we need to be careful about how these are affecting our minds.
Third, how do we spend? Beyond the necessary purchases, we also buy other stuffs. Do we spend our money at the right place?
Finally, audit our companion. Are the people we spend time with the right people or the right group? After all, in everyday life, we unavoidably try to live up to what others think of us. The danger of mingling with the wrong people is at sacrificing our values.
Who you surround yourself with helps you stick to your values and achieve your goals.
“Think like a monk”, Jay Shetty
Reflect
This is about curating our mind towards the right intention. We can carefully examine the goals we have: Are those goals driven by the right values? Or are those goals driven by other people or by influence of media? The point here is that we should try to let go of the false values during the reflection.
I try to reflect in daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Having a routine does help. An example is like this:
- On a daily basis, sit down and reflect how the day went and how you feel about things.
- On a monthly basis, go to a different environment to explore yourself.
I usually do daily reflection at night, and would do deeper thinking on the weekends or at least once a month, often during a hike or a long run.
As we reflect everyday, remember to apply the auditing to the four aspects: time, money, media, people. Then, day by day, try to arrange the goals and curate an environment/line up resources in a way we live more and more aligned with the good values we cherish. For example, I try to spend more time and money on deep learning and giving, read high quality news, cut back on social media, surround ourselves with people who have clearly good intentions, and stay away from the toxic environments.
Who you talk to, what you watch, what you do with your time: all of these sources push values and beliefs.
This way, we improve.
This article is inspired by the book – Think Like A Monk.
